Your story is unique and may be misunderstood. By developing new skills and understanding yourself first you can break down barriers and ineffective habits that prevent relationships from thriving.
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Respect is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Respect can be off-balance in either direction. It’s not how we feel at the moment it is how we treat each other.
Respect
Unhealthy behaviors include Disrespect & Lack of Self-Respect.
A healthier behavior is Assertiveness.
Responsibility
Unhealthy behaviors include Careless & Unreasonable requests.
A healthier behavior is Reasonableness.
There is a delicate balance of responsibility in a relationship. Believe it or not, it is possible to be too responsible.
Expectations
Unhealthy behaviors include "Mine" & "Yours".
A healthier behavior is "Ours".
Expectations are only valid when they have been mutually agreed upon. We have no right to project our expectations on someone.
Others are generally not our opponents, they are our partners. Competition can be fine for sports, but in a personal or professional relationship, we need to let go of always having to win or be right.
Power Struggle
Unhealthy behaviors include Commanding & Helpless.
A healthier behavior is Win-Win.
Ultimately, we cannot control anyone but ourselves. Thinking you can control someone is an illusion, allow others to be themselves.
This takes maturity and self-control.
Control
Unhealthy behaviors include Out of Control & Controlling.
A healthier behavior is Self-Control.
Listening is an absolute necessity in order to have a healthy relationship. There can come a point when we stop listening.
Listening
Unhealthy behaviors include Refuse to Listen & Refuse to Speak.
A healthier behavior is Communication.
All personality traits have positive and negative aspects to them. The goal is to appreciate the positive qualities and learn to understand and meet someone halfway when they don't see eye-to-eye.
Personality Differences
Unhealthy behaviors include One Trait & Opposite Trait.
A healthier behavior is Bridging.
Our childhood was not perfect. We come to adulthood with some leftover emotions from those early years. This is called emotional baggage and for some of us we carry a very heavy load. If we don’t realize how our own history has had an impact of our behavior, we are unable to recognize the history of our partner and the impact it may carry together.
Childhood Issues
Unhealthy behaviors include Fatalism & Denial.
A healthier behavior is Sorting-it-Out.
Feeling strong emotions are normal, we all have them. It is how we handle and express our emotions, particularly anger, that can get us into trouble.
Anger
Unhealthy behaviors include "Stuff It" & Attack.
A healthier behavior is Channel It.
Knowing how resolve, rather than avoid conflict, is a process that both parties must be willing to work through. It is not always comfortable but is necessary to move forward.
Conflict Resolution
Unhealthy behaviors include Avoidance & Fierce.
A healthier behavior is Resolution.
If our communication is lacking, then nothing else is going to function well. We cannot make decisions, plans, or understand what someone needs without dialog. When we are young and don't know how to communicate, frustration sets in. Similarly, when we don't communicate well as an adult, words and actions can be damaging.
Communication
Unhealthy behaviors include Misleading & Brutal Honesty.
A healthier behavior is Tact.
Why do we have the mentality of "getting even" when we use others' perceive poor behavior to justify our own hurtful behavior. This can be the most destructive pattern of all.
Criticism
Unhealthy behaviors include Fight & Flight.
A healthier behavior is Dialogue.
Forgiveness is a process, not a single act. It can be difficult and takes time. The ultimate goal is reconciliation and can only be accomplished when BOTH parties are willing to work at it.
Forgiveness
Extreme Unhealthy behaviors include Grudge & Passive.
A healthier behavior is Process.
Some people build trust too easily, others do not trust at all. There are multiple layers of trust, and we use a ladder to demonstrate that trust is not "all or nothing". Trust can be built upon, and you can choose whom you trust and how much.
Rebuilding Trust
Extreme Unhealthy behaviors include Suspicious & Gullible.
A healthier behavior is Testing.